Following from my last blog, just FYI it looks like my white baby is MALE which make it hard to breed back to dad. Typical! But expected around here lol. Doric = ironic hamsters, I told you.
I’ve been quite down recently but finally followed some advice from a fellow long covid sufferer and looked at yoga for chronic fatigue. I found Sleepy Santosha’s channel and..wow!
To begin with I could only do about 2 mins haha but I’m actually starting to think maybe I’ll get to do more in time. It’s worth a try. My body is so tightly wound that I can’t raise my arms above my head. Perhaps this will make it easier for me to care for myself. My back pain has recently come back so part of this is also re-engaging my core.
The thing I liked about her channel best is that she is also ill. So many videos say they are for disabled people and then start doing things I can only dream about. This time, every stretch was accompanied by advice on alternatives and encouragement that if you can’t do it yet, that’s ok. She is uniquely qualified to understand what her viewers are feeling. That’s not to say people who are not chronically ill can’t understand but there is a deeper feeling there that you only ‘get’ if you’ve lived it.
She recently did a vlog whilst staying up late with painsomnia (a useful term I learned today that describes my experiences very well) and it really resonated with me. The video acknowledges that chronic illness sucks (it does) but she goes on to say that she needs to actively remind herself that it’s not her fault and this is something that certainly seems to be normal for those I’ve spoken to, or heard from, who are also chronically ill. It’s not like we are just not trying hard enough to be well. Those were her words and she finishes by saying that, actually, chronically ill people are the most resilient people you will meet. To be struggling with the basic functions of life and yet still accomplishing things is, in her words, ‘badass’.
I’m a badass! Yes! I’ve never thought of it like that before. Every time I blog despite having been on painkillers today, sleeping for 13 hours and dragging myself to the yoga mat, I’m a badass.
My biggest enemy is the sarcastic voice in my head that reminds me that brushing my teeth is not a goal. “Oh wow, so you got dressed today, woohoo” it says. How amazing is it that the very thing I’ve been struggling with the most is solved in a YouTube video that I found by accident. Getting dressed might not be trophy worthy exactly but everytime I do it, I won that fight. I was victorious. My buddhist practice is all about victory and now this makes so much more sense to me.
Tomorrow I will feed the hamsters and have my second covid jab (which also means getting dressed etc) and I’ll have won tomorrow too.